I developed the Carlson Model Of Responsibility many years ago to cope with my own life situations. It demonstrates how to take your own responsibility and gives other’s theirs back.
Easily used on a daily basis it can allow you to remove toxic drama from your life and understand what you need to do to create a less stressful life.
With practice it changes how you view almost every situation in life and helps you free up energy and transform potential conflict into resolution.
Using this simple graphic and instructions on how to use it, I use the Carlson Model of Responsibility as the foundation for all the work I do with a client. It demonstrates a simple, yet effective tool to change how you see yourself in the world.
Arc of Responsibility
This is the arc that you draw around yourself (and around the situation or person/s), where you discover the life lessons needed to move forward into a more conscious life, where you accept what it is that you need to learn and accept responsibility for what is yours and own it.
When you are in a situation imagine these arcs and place one around yourself and another around the person or situation you are faced with.
Zone of Interaction
This occurs when your arc of responsibility crosses over into another’s arc of responsibility.
When we live or work closely with someone or something, be it our partner, our children or our work environment the arcs cross over or merge into each other and the energy created by your responsibility interacts with another. This can also be an institution, organisation or even the government. We have to interact with others and this has a potential to become a zone of conflict.
By working on our responsibility in any given situation, it becomes a zone of resolution. The difference as to how that happen’s, is how we accept what is our part in the conflict and change our thinking and behaviour and how we view the situation thereafter.
Drawing your arc towards you and pushing their arc towards them
Imagine opening your arm out wide, place your palm towards you and draw it in towards yourself in an arc motion. This is a visual reminder of what is needed to create your arc so that you can imagine yourself in it.
Once in it ask yourself the following questions:
- How did I get here?
- What do I need to learn from this?
- Where do I want to go from here?
- How do I get there?
- What do I need to do to improve this situation?
Take out any why questions. You may never get an answer for those and they are therefore unhelpful.
Once you have asked yourself these questions imagine pushing their arc of responsibility towards them, whoever ‘they’ are. Now this is the hard bit.
DO NOTHING. It is not your responsibility to make them learn anything, it is theirs. This is particularly hard when it is your children and then you have to be brave.
Important: If something has occurred that is your fault then accept responsibility for it and apologise as soon as possible.
The Safe Space is created once the two arcs are returned to their original positions and an empty space is created.
Within the empty space there is enough energy to take personal responsibility, learn the life lessons, feel balanced and breathe. It is a place where conflict is removed and resolution is sought.
Remember no-one can hurt you with words- you choose for them to hurt you. No-one can make you feel small- you make the choice. No-one can make you angry- that too is a choice. You cannot blame someone else’s behaviour for your actions- you made the choice to act that way.
By accepting responsibility for the way we think, act and speak we demonstrate to others a way of being. By making the right choices for us, for speaking our truth kindly and acting in an authentic manner we are able to live our lives more consciously and this affects those around us. It is a daily process.
So the next time someone is rude, forgive them and give them their responsibility to learn. Do not react, but respond gently and politely.
If you behave in a way that is respectful to another, they have no choice but to behave differently and if they don’t, resist telling them. It’s not your job to point it out to them (unless you are being paid to do so!)
The difference between reacting and responding is a short in-breath.
This gives the brain enough time to think and put you in your arc. It only takes a nano-second and the questions become automatic given practice, thereby giving you enough time to think differently and create a different energy, one where conflict becomes resolution.
Let me help you master this
The Carlson Model of Responsibility 2010 ©